Dawn, Lonely Night Part II

I open my eyes slowly as the dawn is breaking, seems magical how the slightest ray has changed the perspective of the whole world. In that morning twilight, the monsterous shapes scaring you through the night may just turn out to be the very fruitful trees that you needed.Even the old tread path where you went again and again, finding no escape, is now a bit easier, as you know how to set foot right even though you cant avoid it. The darkest path in the night could now turn out to be a sparkling waterline which may be the very way which gets you out of the dreary place, but

You need to wait for the dawn.

The most effective way to pass the dark time is, to know that it shall pass.

But what of the wounds?  They are not going to just heal themselves. they need something more. I need to find a healing. After getting hurt, after staring at the wound for so long, after realizing that yes, it has happened, after getting over the shock, I take the painkillers, the diversions, which keeps me off from feeling the pain. But for how long? The wound is deep enough, sooner or later the painkillers are going to stop working. But what after that? The solution, the medicine, where is that? And then it strikes..

Acceptance..

Just like going to a doctor, to understand what has happened, to suggest a remedy..

Only after acceptance does the process start, the true action of letting it heal... I start to find out what can be done despite that wound and just not stay bedridden, but start on a new journey to find out the new I, for better or for worse.

I remove the bandage, be OK with it to be seen, not be ashamed of it, or of the fall that caused it, be OK to let all know I am ready to move ahead, throw away the bandages. I may need to take a support for some time, I wont be ashamed of that either, coz I shall work to be strong enough to become a support myself. I shall grow like the roots of great banyan tree, in all directions, but being firm on the ground too. The sounds of dread that were scary enough, I shall use them as my marching band. The  inner demons I encountered alone in the dark that threatened to rip me apart, now seem the only thing that held me together. I wear the Matador, the Hydra, the Zmey on my arms, the perfect ornaments for my wound..

Let the healing begin.

The world may not be beautiful always but it is wonderful.

And yes, the dawn is worth the wait.

The Wanderer Part II- Mrigtrishna

He waited and he waits.

With a smile on his face

Coz as he stares in the distance

Where horizon appears in his glance

He sees his heart's desire coming true

Against all odds it may pass through

Fixed at a spot where the sun was hot

No shade nearby not even a blot

Hoping against hope, it has been a while

Still looking in the distance with that arched smile

For he forgot the desert itself, is as treacherous as magma

The greatest spell of all- false hope, The Mrigtrishna!!!

As the wait holding on to hope

And the hope starts giving way to doubt

Doubt then, increases the pain

Makes him ponder what all this is about

When the light fades away at night,

And heat gives way to cold

Like quenched steel he becomes brittle,

With his heart many fold...

It would break, yes, it would break

Should take a step before it's late

A step to where, he sees no way

Anywhere, just to move away

Coz standing there, he would just stale

He has to move on, he has to bail

At last he moves, he knows not where

With that faint smile, so difficult to bear

Belief in his heart, belief in his own innocence

'He hath done no wrong' so he shall find goodness

Hence the smile still lingers on his lips

He finds in himself to move albeit this abyss

But desert is mighty, it doesn't discriminate

Anyone in its power, mere slave to his fate

The land of extremes, an illusionist so great

The most capable do gasp, unable to break

A spell so able and ties so strong,

Days with Mirage, showing hopes at end

Nights so cruel, so piercing and cold,

till breaking point they make him bend...

Parched and drained he staggers on

No aqua in sight, his power gone

He licks his cracked and bleeding lips

That too so painful, like empty sympathies

Illusions still haunt him, crushing his spirit anew

He looks at rain with hope, which morphs in virga too

Every step forward, heart still stuck in past

It doesn't get easy, each day seems his last

Still he lives on, it is a boon or bane

How many spells on him, he cannot name

With dreamy past, crushing present, Mrigtrishna future, he moves ahead

Reaches an ocean, stands dumbstruck, and then he laughs like mad

When the laughter fades away slowly

In the silence, sounds a sob

Endless enormity of water in front of him

But for him, not a drop

He falls in the sand, blank and broken,

And the smile finally abandons his lips

Two tears miraculously appear in dry eyes,

After all spells & illusions, those are truly his...

Key to Happiness

The answer is simple-
Be Selfish.

" Tdddsssshhhhhhhhh"

(The sound could be a drum roll climax, or may be the world crashing, depending upon how ridiculous the idea may sound to you..)

As they say, it is the simple things which are the solution to the most insane questions.

No really, remember the kid who kept asking- Usse kya hoga? (What would that achieve?)

Let me tell you, that kid was a genius. Rather than beating around the bush, he aimed to reach at the root of a problem. That root, or the ultimate solution my friends, is- be selfish!!

Don't trust me? Try the formula then.

Let's start with the classic- We live in a community, therefore, we should act in certain ways, do certain things and blah blah... Now let's put the formula in that.

"Why should I care what the community says?"

"Because then people would look up to you."

"Usse kya hoga?"

"People would think good of you. You shall be in the good books of all."

"Usse kya hoga?"

"You shall feel good that you are liked by all."

"But I would feel better doing what I want to do. It may be different than the classic, but it gives me happiness. Shouldn't I cut all the middle steps and be happy from the beginning?"

Not convinced I see. Let's take another example then.

All our ancient scriptures, stories tales tell us just one lesson- be selfish.

Don't believe me? Take any teaching/preaching and apply the formula.

"You should be helpful/generous/kind to others, without expecting anything from them.."

"Usse kya hoga?"

"Erm, it is good to be good. Plus your goodness shall be rewarded someday by goodness to you."

"So you mean, I should be good so that good comes to me? Why shouldn't I do good to myself to begin with then rather than waiting for the end product to be delivered some day..?"

Still not convinced I see. Still the idea seems revolting.. As anti as antichrist!! How could being selfish ever grant you happiness!! It seems opposite of whatever has been told to you till date! What happened to do good, be good, be there for others in need which help you feel good? Well, that's exactly my point, the ultimate aim, is for you to feel good.

But what about others in your life? The people who are so important for you that you can do anything for them.. Yes there are many important people in life, but do not forget the most important person, who is, wait for it, YOU!
Yes, it is you only, and it is only your decision how important anyone else in your life. You being the decision maker hold the key to realize it and thus make it an end to better your life.

So should you just be an introvert and not care about anything or anyone else? Wouldn't that just make life miserable? It may, but here is the catch. If you like someone, if you care about someone, you do something for them because it makes you feel better. You do it for you, not for them. So if being good helps you, do all the good work in the world that you can lay your hands on. But if it doesn't, you shall end up making yourself miserable.

Therefore, do what you do in life for you. You can't please everyone, maybe no-one at that time, so please yourself. You decide how important is someone in your life, so do what you do to make them happy, not as a favor to them, but yourself. Spend your life making yourself happy, and be the happiest person in the world!!!

Innocence Lost

Cotton candy clouds, pink hue around, time like a dream

days bright like a smile, happiness resided within

Heart was big and world was small

so small, in heart could fit all

Love and care lived everywhere, a drop of tear was like sea

this world seemed so pure, all bad things in dark world must be

Trees my swing, sky was a tent, bicycles were fast and earth was flat

white was white, black was black, good was good and bad was bad

Far in the distance, where earth met sky

worlds were separate, with clear boundary

Of the black dark world I sneaked a peek,

saw scary images and shapes horrific

Grew up, watching the dark at a distance

should I go close, or just keep my stance

Should I go till the end, how far would the line lie 

should I go to understand, to define my horizons clearly

With determination in my heart, and a mission in my head

thus started my journey, to go and to come back

I walked far and got closer, but it seemed I had erred

what seemed so solid, so clear, those boundaries were blurred

Where am I, what happened, a sudden thought came over,

this was not my white world, could I have crossed over!!

Stared in front and saw, the black world was still ahead

then turned back only to find, the bright white had left

Should I go further, I might be lost

I do not know, where should I stop

This place, not a candy-land, but a landscape so vast and varied

so many paths, land of opportunity, thousand possibilities it carried

The scary figures of dark, which I had earlier feared

some were steps, some were depths, with blood some were smeared

This place I had reached, had so many shades of grey

in the white world, it never occured, things could be this way

Looked down, I barely had noticed, the dark was now part of me,

shades and contrast did my makeover, I now seemed more free

Missing earlier, something completed my other side

there were no boundaries but only what I decide

I had changed, definitely, inside and out seemed harder

lost innocence, lost tenderness that earlier prevailed all over

No more a tear seemed like sea, sea of tears became passable

being hurt was part of life, hurting someone, unavoidable

I get hurt, I would hurt, may not even want it though

have to overcome all of this, and still continue to grow

Like tenderness of a plant, giving way, to the skin of tree

so it could endure, it could rise, the hardness is necessary

Pain and hurt, part of this land, for me and all other

but somehow, it isn't the end, as each could grow further

Not so pure but more complete, this potent world, so vast

not going so far in the dark, keep white in sight till last

In the shadows I shall roam, dealing this world first hand

and if I get tired, I close my eyes, be back in my candy-land

Let's Get Retarded ;P

Read this story long back, probably in junior high-

Seeing the fierce form of goddess Kali, the boy gave out a little laugh. the goddess was amused, so asked him-"How dare u laugh on seeing me in this form? Aren't you afraid?'

"Oh i was! But seeing so many faces of yours, a thought crossed my mind-I can't manage a single nose, how do you manage when you have a flu!!??"

The boy they say, came to be known as Kalidas later, so i needn't say what happened further.

Weird, right?

Now try and think of someone who is mentally challenged. Let me paint a picture for you- a person who is dressed messily, unkempt hair and a grin.. The person may not be as bright in your terms, but he is happy!!!!

Again, weird, right?

When everybody around you, who you think seems to be doing well, is surrounded by despair, the only happy people seem to be the stupid and the retarded!!!

So to be happy, why don't you get a bit retarded? Now that's a retarded thought, isn't it?

But seriously, think about it. You are so serious in life, focused so hard, that life itself has become so stringent. That smile which adored your lips has migrated to some other island, where there is more warmth and fun. It may be work, it may be some other matter, that has darkened the sky of your dark matter.

So give yourself a break. Instead of "Be a man, do the right thing",

"Be a human, do the stupid thing" and then learn from the experience rather than cramming the bookish lessons of life which everyone is imparting to you every now and then,

Weigh your chances, look how much can you afford. Take the leap and fall down. Get up and laugh at yourself. You think you shall loose something? Well, what you have is not keeping you happy obviously!! So loose something and make way for something better!

Failed to please everyone? It happens. But you missed out one of the most important person- You! Try pleasing you for a change. If everyone is already getting distant, the cheer you get for yourself might actually draw someone closer for you being you (unless of course you aren't a complete *****  :P)

So ladies and gentlemen, get out this spring, get a bit weird, get some fun, get out of your niche, get some experience and

Let's Get Retarded!!! 

The Wax Man

In the valley near the sacred mountain

Lived the man, with exceeding fame

He was a miracle, a wax man was he

But could walk through fires steadily

Maintaining his shape, maintaining his form

Searched things out of fire, that people feared gone

How he survived, people were amazed

By inner calm his path was paved

With little pride, he roamed in fire

He dared limits that many won’t desire

One day on his routine, he went further a mile

Brought out what he found, gleaming with a smile

But this time, something changed

He was same, still not the same

A spark had flown inside, unnoticed

He felt unease, but still dismissed

Glowing inside, it had its effect

So much, he could not neglect

Pride vanished, only anguish left

Why, why him, burdened with unrest

Solid on outside, inside liquidating

He was wax, but lava swirled within

Logic failed, reasoning failed

In fierce storm his heart sailed

Inside molten, outside just crust

He lost himself, he lost his trust

Harmony lost- strings were broken

Tried to pray, but faith was shaken

Idol broke, shredded to pieces

Only he could feel, nobody else sees

Nowhere else would peace unravel

To the sacred mountain he would travel

The path was hard, steep and draining

He pushed his strength on each heavy footing

Moved on with his tale untold

Chest grew heavy, ready to explode

Wanting to tear it away and lay it bare

Felt unsure if he could make it there

Finally his efforts paid, to the top he reached

With little hope left, everything else exhausted

Down on his hands, bent on his knees

Head hanging down, let a breath release

Then raised his eyes, to search peace in that space

But found nothing there, it was an ordinary place

Stared blankly, so it was a fake?

Coming here was just another mistake?

But sitting down, he felt something odd

Away from the fires, this place was bit cold

At the top, though no magic secret revealed

But during the journey, he was a bit healed

It was so hard, but he had moved on

Stopping would be end, he had to carry on

The place was just ordinary,

So, it was all him,

And then he understood-

 ‘The magic always lies within’

Lonely Night

Sitting in a corner of my bed in the dark, with legs folded and head down, trying to think. It can be as hard as peeling off a bandage from over your wound. You never know if it is going to show your wound healed, or may tear off that blood clot over it and leave you open, unprotected and in pain again…

 Still I take the risk and pull it off.

“You don’t understand me.”, my own words echo in the empty space inside me. The very best who should have been able to understand me had failed me. Whom should I look up to now? Where is the way for me? I lift my head up and again put it down, trying to rethink. Again going through the same passage doesn’t make it any easier.

I again ponder on what had been told to me. I could see logic in what they said, but somehow I could not accept it. It may be right, but perhaps not what I want. How could they not see that?  But what do I want? Maybe I don’t know that myself. I only know I don’t want what has been put in front of me. So was I trying to find out what I want, in their answers?

It is still dark, and I don’t want to look up. Not at anything, or anybody. I do not want to think anymore. I want all the answers delivered to me. I want it to end. I want to be happy. I want to leave it all behind, to go far from here, so that no one finds me. Hide from everyone, just vanish.

“You don’t understand me” again I hear the echo. But why can it be so hard?  If I have dared to enter this realm of thinking, I can’t just keep on asking questions without any answer and return to the same spot again and again. If I have peeled off my bandage, I shall have to put the medicine on it, or it will only keep hurting again and again. May be the answer lies ahead of me, may be the others can’t understand me, but then I suppose, I’ll have to do it myself.

Deep within my heart, there is a feeling, a sound, that tells me, you have the answers, but of course, nothing comes easy. With that feeling you have before u apply something on a wound, that feeling you know that it might heal, but it is going to burn first, I just stop thinking, put my earphones in, let the volume increase a bit, close my eyes and make myself distant from the world.

Bandage covered, till next time….